Don’t Lose Hope
Holidays are a time of joy, laughter, and time you can spend with family and friends. Most people are full of cheer and joy and whether you believe in religion or not, it seems that everyone is humble and happy. Not many people look at the other side of this coin during the holidays. Sometimes the happy person is smiling because they feel like they have to.
With the recent event of my childhood friend attempting to take her life, I sat back and thought of the people who have no family, who feel like they have hit the bottom and there is no way to rise above it. On December 23 it will be 6 years since my uncle took his life. None of us knew it was even a thought in his mind. Saturday, my friend Tina put a gun to herself and pulled the trigger. Thankfully, she will recover. This is not the outcome for many people.
In this day and age many people are given a label if they talk about the darkness they feel. If they have that thought of ending it, or being alone. They are labeled “Emo” and scoffed as attention seekers. As some of these people may indeed be seeking the attention, there are others that are not. Others truly feel the pain and keep it hidden until the limp body is found by someone that loved them. Leaving the remainder of the living to question why.
I have had many brushes with this sad event from friends and family that took their lives. I question myself wondering if I could have done something. With a young friend I passed in my younger days. I was running around working, going to shows, and dating someone but Scott asked me out. I kindly let him down and never saw him again. Months later I heard that his mother found him hanging in his room. Would that have happened if I went out? These are questions we all ask. I know it was not my fault but we are all left with unanswered questions.
When I was 17 years old I was going through the teenage madness that most do. Rebelling, wanting to be my own person. I fought depression and still do to this day. I remember one evening I was in a fight with my parents and I felt like I had no outlet and that I was worthless. I broke open my razor and I pulled out the blade. I pressed hard to my left wrist and at that moment I felt like I was slapped in the face. I pulled the blade away from my flesh and I thought “That was very dumb”. I got out of the tub and I put on my bracelet so nobody could see the cut.
Life got better, then harsh and good again. It is life. Each awful event had a way of making me stronger. Many things have kicked me down and made me want to do nothing but stop breathing but picking myself up and dusting off the ashes was more empowering. This is how I got the name Feanix. No matter how many times I “die” I will be reborn stronger.
I wish the ones facing the depressions had the courage to put down the gun, blade, pills and see that life is worth living. There are people you can talk to and there are many nonjudgmental places you can go to seek help. I am glad to lend an ear to anyone who feels that they are at the end. If you don’t talk to anyone about it then we will never know you are in need of help.
I am a proud supporter of TWLOHA.com and they are a great organization where you can get the help you need. If at any point you feel that you are at the end of your rope, talk to someone.
I hope you all have a great and safe holiday. And remember that you don’t have to be nice just on Christmas, you never know what the person you encounter has been through and a smile could change the whole day for them.
This is also posted on theboondockbetties.com
